Saturday, April 10, 2010

A distant dream...

It was probably for the best. Yea, she has tried. I know, I know. Well, in the end, here we are, back to where we started. At the end of the day, I wonder what's the problem? Where did it go wrong? How did it end up in this way? The answer is simple-I don't know.

No one's fault perhaps. Even if there is, well, who am I to judge anyway? People ask me am I okay? Well, yeah, I am. Maybe it's the expectation that such a thing will eventually happen, probably my cautiousness save me from falling too deep. I might have wanted to scream out loud before, but no sounds came. i might have wish to cry it out before, but no tears come anymore. After all, I guess it's probably unnecessary anymore.

Questions after questions fill my head. Sometimes I wonder why did she accept me in the first place? Maybe human nature to try and see-probably it'll work out? I don't know, maybe I will do that too. Why can't it be a straightforward relationship? Well, not everyone adopts the same policy as me. Why try to go on if you feel like you're suffering? Why this? Why that?

It just makes me guilty. Indirectly so. Maybe we should have taken more time to understand each other truly before going on. This relationship-I know I have said I fear of losing her, trying to save it at one time, maybe I portray the image of someone who'll perhaps sink very deep if I lose her, but one thing's clear on my mind-fear of losing does not mean I can never let go. So I wonder, why take the extra burden then?

Ponder no more. A past it is, a very distant dream in fact. Last Saturday's outing seems like a fairytale somewhere in my dreams. I admit I will miss the days when we're together. In a way, it is a very comfortable relationship. Never once I really felt burdened for all the things I did. All I know is at the end of the day, I've given my best in this, never caring for the return. But I guess some things just aren't meant to go on.

Different ways of perceiving things & life, of lifestyle, of choices-probably those are the gap that can't be bridged. But it matters naught, cause we shall now move our separate ways. I shall stand tough, after all, this is just one of those bittersweets of life. Yesterday a distant dream, today onwards, a new dawn...

Thus, with a heavy heart, I bring down the curtain to another chapter of my life...

11 comments:

-a-i-w-o-o-n- said...

i like ur thoughts and the way u handle/see this whole thing..
now i understand ur comment on my status..

am listening to a song while reading this..
人有悲歡離合 月有陰晴圓缺..
part of the lyrics and it kinda suits this post..
i know u can't read but i just write it here for the sake of just writing it down!

cheer up! hope u can soon write about another chapter of ur life =)

Duncan said...

cheer up ,Pat.. My english is poor so i dont know how to write some good sentence..

i m understand ur feeling is bad now.. just hope u know that all ur fren and family are support u always ^^

u will grow after this.. cheer up yah ^^

Hee said...

Actually u din do anythings wrong~~ just timing problem..
Just concentrate your June 2010 examination 1st..
Cheer Up ya~~

Jimmy Bastard said...

It's all part of growing up and becoming a man my friend. You move on and store the good memories inside of your head. Toss out the other feelings, for they are nothing but shite and baggage that will drag a man down.

Spread your seed over many grounds while you are young, and you never know, this time next year you could even take pleasure in banging her best friend or even her sister.

Good luck with that.

Patrick said...

Thanks everyone, appreciated!

@aiwoon-yea, no more pain. no need to blame anyone. Let go of things that doesn't appreciate you. At the end of the day, becoming friends is better.=)
And I like that sentence in Chinese-good one! =)

@Duncan-thx. I will grow up, yea, it's just part and parcel of life after all..=)

@Hee-timing? Maybe. I'm forgetting it. You'd better study hard too. =)

@Jimmy-I LOVE your comment! =) You're right, no need to ponder too much on it anymore. Just a part of me and my journey now. =D

aikhan said...

Just happen to view your blog and the first post i saw here. Erm....experiences make us grow. Only when you go through some incident then you will know what you want and what you should do better in the future. Bitter or sweet in life only could make our life more interesting. I could understand the feel is extremely bad but at the same time i did appreciate those unhappy moments I'd encountered. Remember one thing, you will be a precious one for someone who really appreciate you. You ll meet her in one day. Believe in that, law of attraction. Haha. Make yourself worth for someone who is worth for you. Be strong friend, I'm sure you can do it!

Patrick said...

@aikhan-Hey there, nice to see you here. Yea, at the end of the day, the bittersweet things will shape us up. Law of attraction? Wow. So many theories huh? Yea, I guess the time will come for that. And I'll stand tough. So must you! =)

Legendary Drifter said...

Hey...cheer up my dear 徒弟,hope my advices do help you...jia you! =P

Patrick said...

LOL..It sure helps, Master.. XP

Legend said...

BBBBBBB ssstttrrrroooonggg !!!!!
well everything happens for a reason.
U remember dragon ball? Everytime Saiyans get beaten to near death , their power level will drastically increase once they recover.
Although technically you're not beaten till half dead physically and we're not saiyans.... but I believe with every fall, we rise again stronger like fwakes, the phoenix...

Patrick said...

LOL..Nice example..=)